Tuesday, 28 October 2014

Two Cent musings on being Two-faced

On school grounds and social media sites the world over, the words: 'You two-faced hypocrite blah blah etc etc...' are flung about as if being a two-faced hypocrite is truly something uniquely awful.

Confession time: I'm two faced.

If ever you are tempted to call me that, please feel free. It really isn't a surprise, or an exaggeration. It is absolutely true.

To be honest, I think we are lying to ourselves if we say aren't two-faced. And sometimes, dare I say, I think being two-faced can be a positive thing.

Sure, if someone is consistently nice to you yet speaks badly of you when you are not around but refuses to speak to you about their grievances, that isn't helping anyone.

But I know that as a Jesus-follower I am included by proxy in that 'hypocrite' label. As an idealist who is vocal about her ideals, I am possibly even more likely to earn myself that title. But like I mentioned at the end of my last post - didn't all revolutionaries start out as idealists?

As an example: at the moment I feel like I am undergoing a huge revelation of what it means to love and be loved. I feel like I am learning what it means to leave selfishness behind - to let go of self-vindication and self-promotion and self-protection - to just 'Let it go!' (If you couldn't help singing those words then I'm guessing you have young kids in the house!)

But even as I say that I am learning how to leave self-ness behind, those of you who know me personally can surely think of a bunch of times where I was self-absorbed, or at least not outwardly loving, or where I somehow made you feel unloved or unlovely. I am so sorry. I can't even say with certainty that I didn't mean to at that moment. I have this vindictive streak that pops up every now and then.

So if you were to accuse me of being a two-faced hypocrite I might even be glad. It shows that you know I have ideals that draw me higher than where I am now. If how I lived now reflected my ideals with absolute accuracy, I would be the most pitiable creature!

But I press onto take hold of who I am called to be, grateful that my failures are not held against me by those who matter most. This in turn frees me to love others in spite of their failures. And this love does not guarantee that I will never fail, but that I will be loved anyway. Oh let me love with a love like that!

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